from somewhere in my imagination

Mean Girls

Recently I deleted The Real Housewives of New Jersey from my IQ, I got sick of them and their constant bitching.   The other night I watched the first part of the Real Housewives of NYC wrap up, I couldn’t help but think that they are nothing but a bunch of mean girls.  I don’t think I’ll be watching the next season.  I’m over the train wrecks and I’m sick of seeing the mean girls.

I’m fed up with the unbelievable self centeredness and complete inability to actually take the time to listen to another person let alone actually hear what they have to say.  I’m not giving the mean girls the time of day anymore.  I’ve got better things to do with my time, as entertaining as the drama can be it doesn’t deserve my attention any more.

Over the years I’ve experienced my fair share of mean girls.  These days I’m happy to accept that not everyone I meet is going to be my cup of tea and that, likewise, I’m probably not to everyone’s taste either.  It doesn’t bother me and I’m happy to spend the time and energy looking for the diamonds that real friends are.  I do, however, take the time to be nice to people I meet and include them when it’s appropriate to do so.

What does bother me is that grown up women still think it is okay to be mean.  Sometimes this happens unintentionally and through lack of forethought.  However, there are times when it happens intentionally.  The deliberate and obvious exclusion of others just doesn’t sit well with me.  Some of the deepest wounds I’ve had inflicted by ‘friends’ are the ones caused where I have been excluded, be it deliberately or without thought.

As my girls are getting older and more socially aware I see that I have one daughter who easily and happily merges herself into a wide variety of social situations.  The other is more like I am on the inside.  Awkward, shy and never quite sure what to say around new people.  In truth, people who have know me well probably don’t see me that way but it’s taken years of practice to build that exterior, trust me.

One daughter is hurt easily, the other tends to move on and build bridges.

Earlier in the year when we had all the troubles at school with Charlotte she had fallen prey to a mean girl.  Another girl, who saw where Charlotte’s weakness lay and how she could creep in through the cracks and exploit it.  In reality the mean girl was most likely a really unhappy girl but I couldn’t let her hurt my daughter….so we chose pretty much the only option left available to us and changed her to a different school.

The new year brings another new school, this time for both girls, and I hoping that we are building a solid foundation of resilience and knowledge that they are awesome for both girls to build on.  Something to give them the tools to navigate the world, knowing how to cope with the mean girls, find the many diamonds there are to uncover and be kind people themselves.  I’ve taught them to include not exclude, it’s okay if they don’t get along with everyone but it’s important to take the time to see the perspective or others and work alongside, if not with, them.

Me, I won’t be giving the mean girls any of my energy.  I’ve got better things to do and plenty of diamonds to spend my time with.  I'm sharing what's in my heart this morning.  I nearly wasn't going to but Eden inspired me to.

What are the qualities you most want to instill in your children to help them navigate the world of friendships?

Tatum xx

A Mum Like You - #Mumvember Challenge 6

The challenge for day 6 of  Mumvember was to tell a mum you care.  I encounter so many mums on a day to day basis but at the end of the day there is no mum that admire more than my own.

In the 33+ years I've been lucky enough to have my mum there have, of course, been times when she has all but  driven me around the bend.  I'm sure my daughters will have moments when they feel that way about me too.  However, there are so many things that I admire about her.

In truth the more years I am a parent myself, the more I grow to recognise and appreciate everything my mum has done for me over the years; and, everything that she does for me now.

As a single mum of two my mum started studying.  She became a teacher, and beyond that a special education teacher.  I truly admire her for doing that.  I admire anyone who, pursues further education at a point in their life when circumstances make it anything but an easy option.

I have a friend, a single mum of two boys, who is on the brink of completing her first degree.  Like my mum, I admire her, and am immensely proud of her, for this achievement.  Part of me would love to go back to uni and learn something new, take a complete change in career but it scares me too much right now to truly pursue it.

I admire my mum's constant thirst for knowledge.  I am pretty sure it is something that I have learnt from her.

I admire her confidence in social situations and ability to speak her mind.  I also admire her open mindedness and desire to stand up for what she believes in.

I love that my mum adores her grandchildren.  She wants what is best for them, and Steven and I.  She has a good heart.  Having a good heart is a quality that I admire greatly in anyone.

I am lucky to have had a mum who has always encouraged me to do my best and pursue my dreams, even when they aren't necessarily dreams that she 'gets'.  Mum recognises that I am my own person and respects that I know myself well enough to make the right decisions for myself.

I admire her patience.

Despite any differences we may have or have had over the years I love my mum immensely.  There truly is no other mum I could ever admire more.

Tatum xx

Life Lessons - Too Many Cooks Spoil the Broth

Late yesterday afternoon Charlotte and Lil pulled out their cookbooks keen for a spot of cooking in the kitchen. They passed on cooking dinner and decided they wanted to make a sponge jam roll.

I walked Lil through the steps a few weeks ago when Charlotte was on cub camp.  It was delicious.

I sent them into the kitchen with two instructions.

1. Lil was in charge because she has made one with me before

2. I told them to BOTH read the instructions from start to finish before they even think about starting.

This is what the cake turned out like

Looks awesome doesn't it?  No, actually it was a total flop. I was within in earshot for the whole disaster and could see what was going on most of the time.  I tried to stay out of it but they completely ignored those two little suggestions so I piped up a few times to offer a few reminders and pointers.

I'm giving them another shot to get it right tomorrow after offering some advice on where they went wrong.

I reminded them that I had nominated Lil in charge.  Charlotte just could not step back into the role or assisstant and kept trying to race ahead to the next step.  She seriously could not just watch and listen and only do the things she was asked to do.  I ended up kicking her out of the kitchen.

I told them about the too many cooks spoil the broth saying.  Just to reinforce my point.

They need to learn to listen to each other (and me).  The first step is to beat the egg whites to soft peaks.  When they turned on the chef it was going much too slowly to whip the whites to soft peaks anytime this decade.  I tried to let them know this but they were too worried about the race to do the next step to actually stop and listen to what I was saying.

I told them to both read the instructions from start to finish first for a good reason.  Once the egg yolks were added to the sugar and whites the mixture needed to be beaten for 10 minutes.  I heard the chef being turned off to add the milk after about 30 seconds and intervened to point out the instruction.  I distinctly recall suggesting they look at the clock.  About a minute later they turned it off and added the milk.  Neither of them looked at the clock.

Did I mention about reading the instructions yet? Next the real disaster struck, the flour was sifted into the bowl and the chef was turned back on.  Game over.  Cake ruined.

Steven and I decided that it would be a useful learning experience to cook what was now a good excuse for some sort of paper mache paste, but thicker, and lumpier.

Both of the girls are completely capable in the kitchen with a mix of instruction and freedom, Lil probably moreso than Charlotte, but this was the first time we had conducted such an exercise where they went in there together to cook something on their own.

At the end of the day I hope that they learned something about cooperation and why it can be so important to follow instructions.  We'll see how they go tomorrow.

Sebastian ended our dinner time conversation and feedback session about the cake disaster with a well considered gem...

'I know how we can do it tomorrow.  I'll stand in the kitchen and won't touch anything and tell the girls what to do'.  Steven told him he has the 'supervisor' role down pat.  Funny little guy, I'd love to see him try ;)

Happy Saturday!  I'm taking Green Dandelion off to market for the last time here before we move!  Hoping that the cloud cover holds and things don't heat up too much until later in the afternoon!

Tatum xx