Last week I read something that I felt insulted my intelligence and the intelligence of others. A piece that put forth the notion that women who worry about their appearance are self indulgent spoiled brats. I would like to challenge that.
I care about my appearance.
If I don’t like something about myself that is within my personal power to change then I do something about it.
I am not a self indulgent, spoiled brat.
I do not like to have my intelligence insulted.
As I am sure you are aware, one of the reasons I am so passionate about my ‘health conscious’ lifestyle is because I want to be a great role model to my kids. Teaching them the skills to shape and nurture their growing bodies and minds. Not just my girls but my boy too. It is much too much of a generalisation that only women suffer body image issues. Boys, and men, do too.
This is a photo of my back from earlier in the year. I’m showing it to you because I am proud of it.
Is my self-worth related to that physique? Yes, because I invested a hell of a lot of hard work into achieving that, but my self-worth hasn’t diminished because it doesn’t look like that anymore. Am I crying in a corner because it doesn’t look like that right now? Hell no, my training focus has been different and I know that if I put in the hard work, I could make it look like that again, if that’s what I wanted. Am I whining about it? No.
The care I put into my appearance relates to my health, fitness and self confidence. In turn, these things play a considerable role in my relationships and mental health. Yes, I do believe that the way we see ourselves in the mirror is intricately related to the way we feel about ourselves and the implication that we are all comparing ourselves to some impossible ideal grates we me like nails on a blackboard.
What makes the distinction between someone with ‘depression and severe body image issues’ and a ‘pork chop’? I ask. Where is the line between exercise and nutrition for heath and for aesthetics? Who cares if your training program is related to aesthetics, I want better shoulder definition again. That does not make me an uncaring shit.
I don’t believe that the desire to look a certain way is a new thing and pressure from advertising and the media is driving us on a never ending quest for youth and beauty. Sure, some people are influenced more than others but to say that pressure is constant and that we all buy in to it is bullshit. I want that shoulder definition back because I like being able to trace it with my finger and I love the way it looks.
Step back thousands of years to the ancient Egyptians, for example, they clearly took great pride in beauty and possessions. They didn’t have outside influencers telling them how they should look. The search for the fountain of youth has been ongoing as long as there is recorded history. Likewise, not all cultures see being larger than size 6 with wrinkles as imperfection.
Take the girl of African descent who wants to lead a conventionally healthy lifestyle. She eats appropriate portions of fresh rather than fried food and takes herself off to the gym or for a regular jog. She’s probably got her mother, grandmother, sisters and six aunties telling her that her ass is too skinny and she’s never going to find herself a husband. To be fat is to be wealthy in many cultures.
Take the half Asian half Anglo girl who’s grandmother has told her she’s tubby all her life despite the fact she is perfectly healthy. She’s also twice her grandmother’s height and looks more like her father than her mother. Genetics also gave her his metabolism.
Take the lovely Latino who is not seen, culturally as beautiful because despite her gorgeous face she does not have rounded hips and ass. She just got the ‘wrong’ body shape for her cultural background, so even when she pumps out hundreds of squats every day her butt still looks like it needs implants as far as she is concerned. It’s a similar story for women of Mediterranean descent.
These are examples taken not from the media, but from culture. Are we fighting thousands of years of history, is it actually just the way it is?
Here in Australia we have a very narrow view of the world and what body image means. A narrow view of what advertising and the media are supposedly telling us we have to look like.
Right now I am on a bit of mission to restore my body to where it was 3 months ago. I was having a bit of a laugh with some ladies the other night about how preposterous that must seem when I’m standing in front of you. Truth is my pants are a bit tight, I’m a bit more lethargic and my digestion is a bit sluggish compared to what I had become used to. That feeling of being immovable has diminished.
I’m not self indulgent because I want to feel great. If I feel great then I’m much better equipped to give more of myself. For me and, no doubt, the vast majority of the population (both men and women) feeling confident in our appearance goes hand in hand with feeling great.
My wanting to lean down a bit has absolutely no context with regard to the plight of abused and oppressed women. Please do not insult my intelligence by suggesting I am less humane because I value myself and my perception of my own personal appearance. Placing value on both my intellect and appearance gives me dignity and strength which, in turn, only enhances my ability to help those less fortunate than myself.
Having a positive self image isn’t just about ‘sucking it up’, telling yourself to get over yourself and learning to love yourself just the way you are. It’s about investing time and energy in yourself. Taking steps to ensure that you are healthy. Eating well, exercising, being kind to yourself emotionally, taking time to reflect and allowing yourself to evolve. From my perspective, that is where a great image of self is created.
The things that make us who we are, they are actually so much more than what our body looks like and I’m pretty sure that majority of us already know that. It’s more a matter of focusing on the stuff we love and using those positives to make the changes we want to see in ourselves. Wanting to change is okay, so is the desire to stay the same.
I’d love to hear what you think.
Tatum xx
