Mean Girls

Recently I deleted The Real Housewives of New Jersey from my IQ, I got sick of them and their constant bitching.   The other night I watched the first part of the Real Housewives of NYC wrap up, I couldn’t help but think that they are nothing but a bunch of mean girls.  I don’t think I’ll be watching the next season.  I’m over the train wrecks and I’m sick of seeing the mean girls.

I’m fed up with the unbelievable self centeredness and complete inability to actually take the time to listen to another person let alone actually hear what they have to say.  I’m not giving the mean girls the time of day anymore.  I’ve got better things to do with my time, as entertaining as the drama can be it doesn’t deserve my attention any more.

Over the years I’ve experienced my fair share of mean girls.  These days I’m happy to accept that not everyone I meet is going to be my cup of tea and that, likewise, I’m probably not to everyone’s taste either.  It doesn’t bother me and I’m happy to spend the time and energy looking for the diamonds that real friends are.  I do, however, take the time to be nice to people I meet and include them when it’s appropriate to do so.

What does bother me is that grown up women still think it is okay to be mean.  Sometimes this happens unintentionally and through lack of forethought.  However, there are times when it happens intentionally.  The deliberate and obvious exclusion of others just doesn’t sit well with me.  Some of the deepest wounds I’ve had inflicted by ‘friends’ are the ones caused where I have been excluded, be it deliberately or without thought.

As my girls are getting older and more socially aware I see that I have one daughter who easily and happily merges herself into a wide variety of social situations.  The other is more like I am on the inside.  Awkward, shy and never quite sure what to say around new people.  In truth, people who have know me well probably don’t see me that way but it’s taken years of practice to build that exterior, trust me.

One daughter is hurt easily, the other tends to move on and build bridges.

Earlier in the year when we had all the troubles at school with Charlotte she had fallen prey to a mean girl.  Another girl, who saw where Charlotte’s weakness lay and how she could creep in through the cracks and exploit it.  In reality the mean girl was most likely a really unhappy girl but I couldn’t let her hurt my daughter….so we chose pretty much the only option left available to us and changed her to a different school.

The new year brings another new school, this time for both girls, and I hoping that we are building a solid foundation of resilience and knowledge that they are awesome for both girls to build on.  Something to give them the tools to navigate the world, knowing how to cope with the mean girls, find the many diamonds there are to uncover and be kind people themselves.  I’ve taught them to include not exclude, it’s okay if they don’t get along with everyone but it’s important to take the time to see the perspective or others and work alongside, if not with, them.

Me, I won’t be giving the mean girls any of my energy.  I’ve got better things to do and plenty of diamonds to spend my time with.  I'm sharing what's in my heart this morning.  I nearly wasn't going to but Eden inspired me to.

What are the qualities you most want to instill in your children to help them navigate the world of friendships?

Tatum xx