from somewhere in my imagination

La La How the Life Goes On

Yesterday I was driving to school and a song came on the radio.  I had not heard it for years, I turned it up really loud and sang along.  It's a song that just totally makes me smile, don't you love how music can give you the most sensational lift.

It put me in a great mindset for the after school thing.  Lil had had a bit of a crappy day.  Charlotte and Sebastian both seemed in good spirits.

Then Lil and Sebastian started fighting in the car.  Awesome.  Before we got home I asked the kids to leave whatever bad things may have happened in their day outside and to please not bring them in the front door, that I was keen for an afternoon with no tears, tantrums or fighting.  I asked them to come and talk to me about their day if there were things that they needed to talk about and to please not take anything bad out on the rest of the family.

I made pikelets and we ate them with lemon curd and golden syrup, separately, not together...that wouldn't be nice.

There was a large bird strolling down the footpath outside as we ate.  Random.

J was all cute and Sebastian had managed to this point (an hour after arriving home) not to have any tears.  He's been in tears before we even walk through the front door most afternoons lately.  What a joy that is.

I'd turned on that song and a whole string of others and we'd all danced around a bit.  I suspect the kids may have thought it a little odd that I seemed to know every single word to a bunch of songs they'd never heard.

I was present and engaged and having fun but unfortunately that still wasn't enough to keep the moods at bay.  To prevent Charlotte from being rude or needing to ask Lil 4 times to do the same thing, which wasn't even a chore.

Happy music, pikelets and cuddles aside it just got too much for me.  I went and hid in my bedroom around 5.15 (having diligently already put dinner in the oven).

Today is a new day.  It's all been pretty cool, calm and collected so far.  Fingers crossed we get the whole way through in that manner.

As for that song, I bet it makes you smile too.

 

Thank heavens for the end of the week.

Tatum xx

Grateful for the Chaos

Friday was a crazy day in this house.

Lil had a friend over to play.  Charlotte went to one of her friend's houses to play (and for that I am crazy grateful, thankyou xx)

S and J...well they were like a whirlwind.  From the time J raised her precious, sideways sleeping, beautiful bed haired head it was game on.

Toys were distributed throughout the house.

Paper cut and bits spread everywhere.

J escaped from her shower with me and ran wet and nude through the house until I could catch her.

We made sausage rolls and spinach triangles.  I almost burnt some of the triangles because my mum called while they were cooking.  I had at least 3 phone calls literally back to back.

There was fighting, wrestling and yelling.

Tantrums because S couldn't get the Wii to do what he wanted and then tears because I wouldn't let him play anymore because I couldn't deal with the tantrums.

S decided to indulge in some waterplay in the bathroom sink.

J peed on the floor in the kitchen immediately after being taken to the toilet where she couldn't quite muster up the piddle.

It was crazy windy and I had to pick up washing from around the yard.

But...you know what?

As I sit here surrounded by my slightly chaotic life I can step back and smile and be reminded of all the things, admist the chaos, that I am grateful for.

I am grateful that I pretty much get a full night's sleep every night, even though I generally wake up with a couple of children in the bed with us.

I am grateful for new friendships, and good friends in general.

I am grateful that I have 4 happy, healthy, vibrant, creative, spirited children...even if they drive me around the bend some days.  They are the centre of my world.  I just wish they wouldn't fight and have tantrums, there really is no way to find something to be greatful for in that!

I am grateful that the small boy loves spinach.  Thankyou kindy.

I am grateful that I can pick up the phone and talk to my mum, and that she bears with me amidst the chaos.

I am grateful that the kids love water.

I am grateful that J peed on the kitchen floor and not at Woolies.

I am grateful that it was just windy and that wind blew the big black storm clouds away so it didn't actually get wet.

I am grateful that I got through the day without crying.  There was one point where S was crying about the Wii and J was crying because I wouldn't let her have a shower, both loudly, and one in each ear.  I put my head in my hands and nearly started crying but my nude but for a nappy bubba stopped crying over her molehill and put her arm around me and made sure that I was okay.

And I was.

I'm linking up with Maxabella for this weeks Grateful for.

Happy Weekend

Tatum xx

Things I Know - My Practice Kids

Lil and Charlotte were born very close together, 17 1/2 months apart.  Life with the two of them was blurry for quite sometime.

Lil was nearly 3 my the time S arrived and then J was born as he approached 2 1/2.

I've always felt pretty comfortable as a mum but I have definitely found that I have been much more confident with Sebastian and Jasmine.  I think that much of that stems from having had Charlotte and Lil to 'practice' on first - not that I think I have been any less of a mother to them, it's just my experience has been different.

It's kind of like the year we went to the royal show and Charlotte nagged from start to finish to get the showbags (not that I'm likening my children to showbags of course lol) and drove us nuts.  We learnt that when we go again we'll get showbags first (even though it's a pain to have to carry them), it just would have made it a far nicer evening.  You learn from experience.

With the exception of the recent spate of typical 4 year old boy behaviour and perhaps J's refusal to go to bed at night there has been little that the smaller two have been able throw at me that I haven't seen before...and little that isn't eclipsed by some of the infinitely more difficult things we experience with the older girls.  I am terrified already of what things might be like when they hit their teens, but I'm crossing fingers that we have laid good foundations for things not to get too out of hand!

Sometimes I think of Charlotte and Lil as our 'practice' chlidren. 

There are times when S or J are doing something a bit painful but I don't turn it into a big issue, because my 'practice' children did the same things and I know how to handle the situation.  We get to practice everything on them first in a way, or perhaps more correctly, we experience all of the ages and stages with them first.

I often hear parents question or even get asked when a difficult stage or behaviour is going to go away, I do it myself.  A favourite is 'when are they going to listen'.  In truth, I'm 33 and I still don't listen to everything my mum tells me so my hopes aren't high that my kids will listen to everything I say anytime soon.  They are each their own little person after all.

Here's a few things I now know

• It is futile to ask a child to 'clean their room', at least until the start school.  It's too abstract.  They need to be given one individual task at a time to add up to the whole 'clean up your room'.  I could have saved myself a tantrum or 3 with the big girls if I had learnt this one sooner.
• Getting down on their level when you want to tell them something is so important.  So is eye contact, body language and tone.  If you want something to make an impact you need to engage your child, there is no point telling them from across the room.
• I've found that there is a change in attitude when they become too big for you to physically relocate them because if they are feeling defiant and don't want to move, well there isn't a whole lot you can do about it.  For example if J is doing divebombs off the couch with S it's a whole lot easier to remove her from the situation and get her to stop than it is him...as for Charlotte or Lil if they decide they don't want to move, well I'm stuffed.  As they get older defiance just moves to a whole new level because I guess they realise that if they don't want to do something it is very hard for mum or dad to make them.  I guess that's where clear expectations and boundaries from a young age are of benefit.
• Your children will always need you 'right now' the moment you are on the phone.  It hasn't changed yet - Lil, who is 7, is definitely the worst culprit.
• It is worth learning to recognise the difference between attention seeking behaviour, boredom and plain naughty behaviour.  After four children the signs are pretty easy to recognise.  If it's attention seeking then it's usually my attention they are after.  If what I am doing is non essential then I'll stop (case in point it's taken me over 24 hours to write this post now) and give them my attention.  If I need to get done what I'm doing I'll refocus their attention on a different activity.  I keep our 51 things to do list on the fridge for easy reference to combat boredom.  J loves helping me so if I'm cleaning then I find little jobs for her to do too.
• Like 'clean your room', 'go and play' can be too abstract for little kids.
• Your bad behaviour will come back and bite you on the ass.  Tenfold.  Kids are our mirrors, I distictly remember a tantrum I had a few years ago that Charlotte repeated many times over.  I don't think I've had a tantrum quite so big since.  Steven had a quick temper, Charlotte (probably unknowingly) mimics it and in turn Sebastian copies her.  The change needs to start at the top.
• Likewise, the more worked up your child gets the more calm you need to be.  Nicole Avery from Planning with Kids often talks about 'bringing them in close'.  It's a strategy that has far more positive results than getting frustrated and/or loosing your own temper.  I have learnt this one from experience too.
• Positive reinforcement is so much better for everyone's soul than constant picking and nagging.

These are a few of the things that I know.  I'm linking up with Shae from Yay for Home with her weekly things I know meme.

What are some things you have learnt about being a parent that, with the benefit of hindsight, would have been useful if you'd known earlier?

Have a lovely weekend.  It's just me and the kiddos because Steven is away playing superheroes.

Tatum xx